FemaleJewishBlogger on July 28th, 2009
my mother has cancer. I don’t trust anyone right now. Well, except for my little one-and-a-half year old girl who just walked up to me as i type this.
We didn’t expect it, and are not sure of the full story.
My sister decided to be nice and friendly and I can’t trust her either. And the money that was supposed to come last week came today, but it was less than half of the amount it was supposed to be. And now we have to deal with that; and my husband’s trying to be nice, but possibly irrationally am not trusting him either. I just told him so. But then I told him it was my mood.
I can’t understand why my sister so blah about my mother.
I don’t want to understand what’s happening to her. And then my sister has to call and say she’d like to get along better so that we don’t lose what we have by fighting about out. What is with her? She’s betrayed me before.
Okay, and that’s the end of my rant.
I am feeling unsure of things today. Easily swayed. Much could happen, and who would know the difference until later–when the true results come out.
Powered by ScribeFire.
FemaleJewishBlogger on July 5th, 2009
I am desert: the moon is high above me. I am seeing the ocean surrounding and shouting now; now; now! All over again, I must be shouting! All the waves come crashing in. My feelings are spent. There is no blue on the horizon. All that I want is you. I am drifting through this sea of netherworld, all around me are boats; sounding their foghorns, floating in the water. Above sea level we are all one. What if you go beneath the waves? And catch us standing there in our underwear. Stupidly gadding and closing all of my fishes mouths one by one, with a a great tenterhook whatever that is.
And I say, oh so heighty and full of myself. It is.
It exists. We must have compassion for that which is under the sea. Don’t you see? I am under the waves. I am all over the place. I am jungling out there. I am having the time of my life. I am parsing physics with the best of them. And it’s all to naught. My free ride has come to an end.
I am sad about it of course.
But that is just what He is. I am combing all the darkness, looking through fireflys and all that you have in seen in the night. Wondering whether you are for me.
He is, she said. And you are meant to have 4 children. It’s astrology; Whatever, I say.
Let fate decide the difference between my woes and my underground sorrows. Have you ever held the lamp up to a diver? Are you even there much?
Have we ever shared the will that it take to get there? Jackie Chan in forbidden lands. I am a voice, clean as a whistle in the night; egging you on to do the right thing. Have you ever heard of the waves? Am I even Punk Rock?
Are we even here? Have I ever floundered with Sharks running over my chin? Full up. I am full of madness for your sake. Let’s get together and have a life of sturdy oneness. Aloneness is a thing of the past. And we are all together now.
I am sated. I am hungry of girls dressed like tomboys climbing down and running away. Oh deep water. Where are you– and I summon the fit of my patience to summon you. My dear sweet Precious.
Let’s go along together.
Let’s grow old, my love.
