Everyone around me. I don’t have any money. I am in debt. My husband is injured and depressed. My children are okay, but not ding well at their school because they aren’t doing their homework because I am not giving the tiem and space to do it, and they are all in one stupid room. One room for four kids. I want to move—to w_______, or somewhere near there: s________?

Maybe.

I want—I pray that this baby be born healthy.

Love,

FJB

I am aware of so many close friends right now who are having serious trouble in their marriage, or divorce even.

And my husband and me? Somehow we are still together–not to tempt fate or anything.

And life is hard sometimes. What about you?

Are you noticing an upswing in separating couples?

I still haven’t decided to what extent I think we are involved in deciding the direction of these plans.

But I am definitely sure, that to go against the flow, causes pain to me, and also many times to those close to me.

How to feel which way the flow is going from day to day?

I think that if I or someone else tries to connect with G-d as if She can be expected to always seem the same, then we are underestimating G-d.

I don’t have an idea of how G-d is really supposed to be. If I say, “you should seem like this, or how I imagine G-d to be holy,” isn’t that missing the point?

How can I know how G-d is going to seem this time I see Her?
Do I know what my friends will be like when I go to meet them for coffee or they are picking up for carpool one morning? Do I know what clothes they are going to wear or expression they will have on their faces? Do I know their mood? Can I expect a particular tone of voice? Or am I most likely to meet a true self in my friend if I don’t expect, but just wait and see?

I am not.

I am very busy.

I have lots of interesting thoughts as I drive between work and home and so on, every day.

What do you think about Moshiach? I can imagine a world peace.

What do you think about there really being a God that is deciding things for us in some sort of human way?

How can we believe in something so specific as God inspiring a book with things that seem more like a history than anything else?

Can we be good people if we don’t believe in the ulitmate purpose of humanity?

What if we are making our own purpose together?

What do you think?

We didn’t expect it, and are not sure of the full story.

My sister decided to be nice and friendly and I can’t trust her either. And the money that was supposed to come last week came today, but it was less than half of the amount it was supposed to be. And now we have to deal with that; and my husband’s trying to be nice, but possibly irrationally am not trusting him either. I just told him so. But then I told him it was my mood.

I can’t understand why my sister so blah about my mother.
I don’t want to understand what’s happening to her. And then my sister has to call and say she’d like to get along better so that we don’t lose what we have by fighting about out. What is with her? She’s betrayed me before.

Okay, and that’s the end of my rant.

I am feeling unsure of things today. Easily swayed. Much could happen, and who would know the difference until later–when the true results come out.

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And I say, oh so heighty and full of myself. It is.

It exists. We must have compassion for that which is under the sea. Don’t you see? I am under the waves. I am all over the place. I am jungling out there. I am having the time of my life. I am parsing physics with the best of them. And it’s all to naught. My free ride has come to an end.

I am sad about it of course.

But that is just what He is. I am combing all the darkness, looking through fireflys and all that you have in seen in the night. Wondering whether you are for me.

He is, she said. And you are meant to have 4 children. It’s astrology; Whatever, I say.

Let fate decide the difference between my woes and my underground sorrows. Have you ever held the lamp up to a diver? Are you even there much?

Have we ever shared the will that it take to get there? Jackie Chan in forbidden lands. I am a voice, clean as a whistle in the night; egging you on to do the right thing. Have you ever heard of the waves? Am I even Punk Rock?

Are we even here? Have I ever floundered with Sharks running over my chin? Full up. I am full of madness for your sake. Let’s get together and have a life of sturdy oneness. Aloneness is a thing of the past. And we are all together now.

I am sated. I am hungry of girls dressed like tomboys climbing down and running away. Oh deep water. Where are you– and I summon the fit of my patience to summon you. My dear sweet Precious.

Let’s go along together.

Let’s grow old, my love.

What else can I say?

My day and week don’t feel right if I don’t.

I wear modest clothes most days and times,

sometimes jeans or other stuff, but what depends on event.